Mulier Est Hominis Confusio
by mistress amethyst une
Summary: So was it or was it not a kiss? J/C -Complete-
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **Yes, a temporary reprieve from angst one-shots.God knows, I need a laugh. Lovely advisory report card... Merit English: B, Literature: B, Filipino: B, Chemistry Laboratory: C, Chemistry Lecture: F, Math: F. Robyn, you are truly a Communication major. (rolls eyes)

**Mulier Est Hominis Confusio**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 1**

A well-placed foot was all it took.

Commander Chakotay had his eyes fixed on a PADD while walking down the corridor. Hadn't anyone ever told him to watch where he was going?

Lieutenant Tom Paris smiled. Captain Kathryn Janeway was walking down the corridor as well. She was similarly distracted and also had a PADD in hand. The command team really had to learn to watch where they walked.

It would only be matter of time before the Captain and Commander crossed paths. Why not make it interesting? A collision, perhaps?

Passing between the Captain and Commander, he planted his foot directly in Chakotay's path before swiftly getting out of the way. They were none the wiser as to what force caused the colossal hallway disaster. The impact must have mirrored the force involved in Chakotay's last shuttle crash. At least in Kathryn's opinion...

Safely out of the corridor, Tom smiled to himself as he made a swift turn and peeked at them from a safe vantage point. The Commander had landed on the Captain face first. And...

Tom ran back to his quarters as fast as his feet could take him. Chakotay would most certainly castrate him if he was found responsible for that little trip.

The Commander had landed face first on his superior's face. Scratch that... He'd fallen on her, they'd both gasped in surprise as they went down and he'd ended up in a rather strange lip lock.

"Mmph..."

Hearing the apparently distraught sound she made, Chakotay hurriedly scrambled to his feet. She lay there, dazed and not quite sure of what had just happened. He extended a hand out to her and it took her a second to comprehend. When she finally did come to her senses, she gratefully took his hand in hers and he pulled her up.

"Captain-"

She raised her hand to silence him as she picked up her PADD. She then met his gaze and, in a tone that betrayed nothing, she told him, "Later. We'll talk. At dinner."

He nodded, "1900. My quarters."

She returned his nod. As she walked off to the turbolift, Chakotay felt uneasiness building. Their discourse at the dinner table was going to be horribly awkward, if not, unpleasant. Of that he was certain... Gingerly, he picked up the PADD. Tuvok's security report...

_"Commander," the Vulcan had said sternly, "I require you to review this report as soon as possible. I am concerned about your lack of involvement with the security team of late."_

_Chakotay had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Lack of involvement? It wasn't as if he didn't have other duties to attend to aside from coordinating with the Chief of Security. _

_"Sure, Tuvok. I'll have it done by the start of my shift."_

And then he'd fallen asleep just as he was about to finish... Waking up fifteen minutes before his shift, he'd attempted to read the rest on his way to the bridge. But then...

He was frustrated with himself. Such stupidity... Tripping, dropping the report, falling on Kathryn, accidentally kissing Kathryn... Could that even be considered a kiss?

"The crew's probably settling their bets right now," he groaned inwardly, "Laughing their heads off at the command team..."

He was certain that a few crewmen had been in the hall checking up on the gel packs. Crewmen that had mysteriously disappeared the moment he'd come to his senses.

Chastising himself, he made his way to the bridge, "After all that fancy talk and pussyfooting... Admitting your feelings through an ancient legend and playing the suffering romantic... And for what? You fall all over her for your first kiss. Might even have injured her. Stupid..."

**OOO**

Kathryn felt the blush creeping along her cheeks even as she entered the safety and solitude of the turbolift. Her back was a bit sore but the embarrassment made her oblivious to the pain.What to do? How to react? What was that? She was certain her head looked like it was on fire now. Blushing redhead... She couldn't go to Engineering like this. Her Chief Engineer would surely ask about her health and she was not feeling particularly chatty.

"Computer, halt turbolift."

She took a series of deep breaths and tried to keep her mind off Chakotay.

"The Kazon, Neelix's coffee substitute, leola root..."

Ticking off all the unpleasant things about the Delta Quadrant would do the trick... Feeling her blush subside, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Resume."

She could worry about dinner later. Stepping out of the turbolift and into Engineering, she tried to keep a serene expression on her face even as her mind wandered. Their first kiss... Or was it? Did it count? Or was it the second? Well, surely, it was their second lip lock. He had given her CPR before. But-

"Captain."

B'Elanna's voice snapped her out of her reverie.

"Lieutenant Torres," she nodded, "Report."

She couldn't really hear her subordinate's words but nodded her approval. Kathryn was incoherent, as much as she hated to admit it. Her thoughts kept floating back to... She shook her head to dispel the thought.

"Captain? So we won't be going ahead with the diagnostic?"

"Uh no... We'll be going ahead with it. I mean-"

B'Elanna gave her a strange look.

"Do it," she said in the best command tone she could muster at the moment.

That did nothing to dispel B'Elanna's look, "Yes, Captain. I'll have my report on your desk by 0900 tomorrow."

Kathryn nodded, "I look forward to reading it. Dismissed."

As she made her way back to the turbolift, it was all she could do not to growl in frustration. Distracted... So utterly distracted... Why? It was only a kiss. Heck, for all she knew it wasn't a kiss. But if it wasn't a kiss, what was it? Why was she even thinking about it? Damn it, in that one fall, Chakotay had utterly shattered her Captain's mask and she was damned if she didn't put herself back together soon.

* * *

And then my muse departed... Damn. I will finish though. I hope I can get a second chapter up. Anyone interested in betaing or coauthoring is welcome to PM me. :) (goes off to do her math homework) Oh yeah... Critique is welcome. I don't want to mess up the command team's personalities. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note:** Stick fighting. Me versus tire dummy. Winner: tire dummy. I swear... I struck it with my stick and my hit bounced then boinked me right between the eyes. So, if this sucks, forgive me. My brain was jostled.

**Mulier Est Hominis Confusio**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 2 **

Chakotay entered the bridge in a huff.

"Report!" he barked.

His voice had the exact same inflection as the Captain's. Ensign Baytart, who was at the conn in Paris's stead, had to turn to be sure it really was Chakotay and not Janeway with a sore throat. From behind the tactical station, Tuvok began a succinct monologue on the current condition of the ship in terms of their performance during the previous shift. The Commander nodded his approval.

"If I may," interjected Tuvok after his brief verbal update, "I would like to inquire about your review of my security report."

Chakotay took a flustered breath before handing the Vulcan his PADD. The damn PADD that was the reason why he was going to have a miserable evening...

"Very detailed," said Chakotay as he tried to remember exactly what he'd done to the report, "You'll find that I inserted a few choice comments and some footnotes."

The Vulcan nodded as Chakotay relieved Ensign Harry Kim of command and took his place at the Captain's chair.

"This is going to be a long shift," he sighed to himself as he watched the flood of stars on the view screen.

He kept replaying the collision in his head. Thinking of different outcomes if he'd opted to do something else. What if he'd gotten up and run without so much as a word? What if she'd shoved him off her? What if he'd pursued the kiss? What if she'd responded? Would he be sitting in the brig right now for being presumptuous or... No, he was getting ahead of himself.

This was Kathryn Janeway. She had lived with him for months on a planet where they were the sole human inhabitants and she had still never turned to him in that particular way. He sighed to himself. Memories of seeing her in a towel, comforting her as her hope was torn to shreds by a storm, telling her a romantic legend, interlacing fingers, planting a garden left behind before the seeds could even take root, designing a boat that would never sail on a river they would never explore...

Why was this so profound anyway? It wasn't as if his mouth had never made physical contact with hers before. He shuddered at the memory. She had almost died and he had been desperate to get her breathing again. Intense worry and fear had flooded him... Those had been entirely different circumstances. There was no need to mull over that lip lock. Mouth to mouth had been done with the intent to save her life. With intent. Their collision kiss was... Well, unintentional. An accident... Insignificant. So why the hell couldn't he keep his mind off it? Surely, it was no different from grazing her elbow or instinctively catching her on the bridge when turbulence shook the ship.

It was different. It was something that confused him. That could be interpreted in so many different ways... It wasn't just contact between lips. He'd felt something. Something that he shouldn't be feeling due to the circumstances that had brought about that sweet contact... In vain, he tried to banish the thoughts from his mind but, even as he desperately tried to focus on the sea of stars rushing past at warp speed, he could only see the darkness that enveloped the pinpricks of light.

**OOO**

Kathryn sat on the couch in her ready room nursing a cup of coffee in one hand and keeping a tight grip on a PADD in another. It was Lieutenant Carey's pre-diagnostic report and she was desperate to focus on it but found that forcing her mind into a line of thought it didn't want to traverse only awakened headaches. With a sigh, she surrendered and put the PADD down. If she hadn't been reading it in the hall she wouldn't be too distracted to read it now. Rubbing the bridge of her nose and downing the last of her room temperature brew, she lay back.

"Computer. Standard dictionary. Define the word kiss."

"There are eighteen definitions for the word kiss. Five as a transitive verb. Four as an intransitive verb. Six as a noun. One verb phrase. One idiomatic expression. One acronym."

She groaned. Eighteen possible definitions that could possibly describe their collision in the hall...

She suppressed a sigh as she put her empty coffee mug next to the half-read PADD.

"Definition one."

The computer complied and began to recite, "Kiss. Transitive verb. To touch or press with lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, etcetera. Used in a sentence: She kissed him on the cheek."

Well, she could count that definition out. She didn't know if their lips had been pursed when they'd been forcibly pressed against each other's by impact or if they had emitted a smacking sound upon parting but that had definitely not been an expression of anything. Well, not at the moment of its occurrence... The lip lock had managed to evoke emotion in her after the fact but surely that didn't qualify it as a kiss?

"Definition two."

Inwardly, she was scolding herself. She was a woman who'd been engaged twice. She knew what a kiss was. Why did she need the computer to define it for her eighteen times?

Her mind answered, "Because it's Chakotay and you haven't even let yourself dream of kissing him. Now that he might have, does it hurt to find if it was what you hope it is?"

She suppressed a scowl as she rubbed the back of her neck. She'd let herself fall asleep for a scant few minutes before she had tried reading Carey's report again. Sleeping on the couch had given her quite the stiff neck and she did her best to quell it as the computer recited the second definition.

"Kiss. Transitive verb. To join lips in this way. Used in a sentence: She kissed him and left."

This way? Oh... In the manner of the first definition. A fat lot of help that was. She continued stroking her neck and couldn't help but reminisce. Once, he'd been there to soothe her physical aches. He'd given her a massage and what had she done? She'd retreated like a scared animal and tried to "define parameters." She sighed. What she would give to have his touch on her again... Still, circumstances made that utterly impossible. Until today... The intimate contact of lips. Accidental contact. Contact without intent. Maybe it was destined? She shook her head. With all the temporal messes she'd been in, she knew better than to believe in such things.

"Definition three."

**OOO**

"...To touch gently or lightly. Used in a sentence: The breeze kissed her face."

Chakotay seriously doubted his sanity at what he was doing. He was a mature man who'd had his fair share of torrid kisses and more. Why was he asking the computer to define it for him? Didn't he have better things to do with the reprieve between his shift and dinner with Kathryn?

He sighed. So a touch qualified as a kiss. Well, if that was the case, the Captain was surely the most promiscuous woman on board. He didn't know of a single member on the crew who hadn't fallen prey to a touch from her. An encouraging hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back... He smiled. If that was the case, she'd kissed him more times than he could count. Kissed him with her hands...

One time definitely stood out. He remembered it so vividly. Waking up in sickbay and having her relieved face greet him as both her hands lay on his bare chest... Sure, he was lying on a less than comfortable biobed at the time but he momentarily forgot his pain even as his head had pounded. His consciousness had been torn from his body and he'd had to inhabit the bodies of various members of the crew to steer them away from a dangerous nebula but seeing her smiling down at him had made it all worth it. And that touch... It burned right through him and warmed his very blood. Even on the bridge, where uniforms defined who they were, all she had to do was lay her hand on shoulder and he'd immediately be reminded that he meant more to her than just an XO. She was constantly kissing him with her hands...

He suppressed a sigh. If only she would let him return the favor. There was a time when she'd let him ease her pain. On a planet that was now thousands of light years away... He had kissed her with his hands to alleviate her physical suffering but she eventually drew back from him and the intimacy of the moment. Back then, the wall was not so impenetrable. It was just being built. She had wanted to "define parameters" but he'd stopped her with an indirect declaration of devotion. And then he found her hand in his... Construction of the wall was temporarily halted as the builder let her touch be kissed by his own. But now, was all hope gone?

Maybe he was the only one who had felt something when he'd found his lips on hers. It was just an accident after all. No, he had to be certain. He almost laughed. It wasn't like him to research something when it came to matters of the heart. That was Kathryn... Ever the scientist... It wouldn't surprise him in the least if she was having the computer tick off definitions too. He had to admit, her approach to things was rubbing off on him.

"Definition four."

"Kiss. Transitive verb. To put, bring, take, etcetera, by, or as if by, kissing. Used in a sentence: He kissed her tears away."

He couldn't help but sigh at the example given. If only she would let him.

**OOO**

"…A term used in billiards and pool. The action of a ball making slight contact with or brushing against another ball. Used in a sentence: The white ball kissed the black ball into the side pocket."

She'd smiled at that definition. It had been far too long since she'd hustled him at pool. Well, this would most certainly make language around the table more colorful. She was kind of getting tired of "Commander, your stick." Maybe implying "ball kissing" was in order for their next game.

"Definition six."

"Kiss. Intransitive verb. To join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etcetera. Used in a sentence: They kissed passionately."

She snorted. There had definitely been none of that in that collision smooch. Well, maybe surprise. That probably fell under etcetera.

"Definition seven."

"Kiss. Intransitive verb. To express a thought, feeling, etcetera, by a contact of lips. Used in a sentence: They kissed goodbye at the station."

Express… While she was certain that nothing had been expressed by his falling on her, she was also sure that there was a lot she wanted to express to him. She wasn't certain if a contact of lips was the right way to go about letting him know of her feelings but the thoughts lingered nonetheless. They frightened her. Defenses were certainly down now. Would she let him know at dinner?

**OOO**

"…An act or instance of kissing. Used in a sentence: They shared a kiss."

Chakotay sighed. Another redundant definition. After the amusing pool term, the next four had been a recap of the other definitions only as intransitive verbs.

"Can't blame the computer for being thorough," he thought to himself.

He sighed and stopped to ruminate before asking for the next definition. The computer had reminded him about their pool games. It had been far too long since she'd hustled him out of his replicator rations to fuel her coffee addiction. What had happened to them anyway? Sure, their dinners hadn't gotten infrequent in the least but the rest of their leisure time together had. Oh sure, they'd gone sailing together a few weeks back but, all in all, it had been far too long since they had casual time together without needing a catalyst. Spirits, it had taken a near death experience for her to ask him to go sailing!

He resolved to rectify that. There was a distance growing between them and he could sense that even a small fight down the road might destroy their friendship at this rate. How could he not have noticed? He sighed. The ship... They had become way too absorbed in their work of late. Well, he was definitely going to have to invite her to play some time soon. He'd been itching for a comeback to her, "Commander, your stick," line for ages and the computer might very well have fed him one.

"Definition eleven."

**OOO**

Kathryn found herself rubbing the bridge of her nose again even as her stomach grumbled. She seriously suspected that Voyager's computer was a sentient being bent on getting the best of her. The next five definitions after the seventh were rehashed versions of the first few only as intransitive verbs and nouns. And then there came the three descriptions of various pastries and sweets named for the word kiss... She hadn't conceded to being hungry in the last eight hours and she wasn't going to do so now. Dinner would be soon anyway. If she hadn't known any better, she'd have sworn her ship was trying to get her to eat something.

"Definition sixteen."

If this was another food item, so help her…

"Kiss off. Verb phrase. Twentieth to twenty-first century slang. Three definitions. Definition A. To reject, dismiss or ignore. Used in a sentence: She kissed off his objections with a wave of her hand."

She groaned. Hunger must really be getting to her. Now, the ship sounded like it was scolding her. It was true that she sometimes had the tendency towards ignoring Chakotay's advice when it came to certain command decisions right down to matters concerning her own well-being.

"Definition B. This phrase is also used as an exclamatory statement to express contemptuous rejection or dismissal."

She sighed and conceded. Disbelief clouded her mind and she couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Voyager was possibly giving her advice. Alright, so she had been a tad snippy with a few ensigns but she would hardly call that 'contemptuous rejection or dismissal.' It was just plain dismissal.

"Definition C. To give up, renounce or dispense with. Used in a sentence: She kissed off her burgeoning romance for the sake of her career."

Her eyes went wide and she almost laughed at how true the sample sentence for the definition was. So even her ship knew she was doing something wrong by ignoring her feelings. Other Starfleet Captains would have probably thought her mad. She was sitting in her ready room, ignoring a pre-diagnostic report from her assistant chief engineer, listening to eighteen definitions of the word kiss because her first officer had accidentally fallen on and locked lips with her, interpreting those definitions as advice and wondering if her vessel was a sentient being. Even she thought it was ridiculous.

Then again, everyone was a little mad. So what now? Would she give in, stop kissing off her first officer and possibly just plain kiss him? She shook her head in uncertainty.

"Definition seventeen."

**OOO**

Chakotay sat there frozen for a good two minutes before registering what he had just heard. So there was a phrase for what Kathryn had been putting him through… She'd been kissing him off. Why though? Was something wrong with him? Was the thought of a deeper personal relationship with him so deplorable?

"Definition seventeen."

"Kiss ass. Idiomatic expression. Twentieth to twenty first century slang. Vulgar. To behave in a manner characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference. Fawning. Used in a sentence: He needed to kiss ass to get her to notice him."

"Ouch," was the first thought that came to mind. Alright, so he had been letting her walk all over him of late and his personal feelings had bearing on his actions. She'd just been so prickly lately and he'd been unwilling to let her worsening demeanor escalate. Maybe letting her have her way was the wrong way to go about it. If anything, it had served to distance her from him even more. He'd become just a sounding board for her instead of the friend who'd been unafraid to oppose her when he could clearly see her mistakes. Well, it was about time the Maquis rebel in him manifested itself again and put her in her place. She wasn't the only one who could wheedle. Since when had he let protocol stand in his way anyway? Would directly confessing his feelings to her and, maybe, expressing them kill anyone? She had the choice to reject him if she so wished but he wasn't going to serve _beneath _her anymore. He was going to serve _with_ her and she was going to have to get used to it.

Alright, so he was going to hand her his heart for her to trample on with her Starfleet issue high-heeled boots. What had Boothby always said about women during his matches?

"_Now you listen here. Don't let me catch you ogling ladies when you ought to be fighting."_

"_Why not? They're inspiring."_

"_Mulier est hominis confusio. Never forget that."_

_He looked confusedly at his boxing coach, the groundskeeper. He spoke Latin?_

"_Don't look so surprised. I listen to the young ones studying. Woman is man's ruin. Pound that lesson into your skull."_

He rolled his eyes at the memory. Yes, it had been well-pounded into his skull by Seska. Women were always his downfall. Well, Kathryn wouldn't be.

He eyed his chronometer. 1830 hours. Thirty minutes before dinner.

"Definition eighteen."

"Kiss. K-I-S-S. Acronym. Keep it simple, stupid."

That was all he needed to hear.

* * *

Ok, that gave my typing fingers a work-out. Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of writing long chapters given the proper inspiration. xD So did I do well? I really hope they're in character. Ugh... By the way, definitions are taken from Dictionary (dot) com. I tweaked some of the sample sentences to suit my needs though and there really were eighteen definitions. Actually, more... There were two idiomatic expressions but I replaced one with the acronym. Hope you enjoyed this and suggestions for the next chapter are most welcome. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine. If it was, Kathryn would definitely have asked Chakotay for mating advice.

**Author's Note:** Yes, Elogium was one of my favorite episodes. The flashback consists of lines directly lifted from there with some of my commentary. :)

**Mulier Est Hominis Confusio**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 3 **

Kathryn left her ready room with definition eighteen still ringing in her ears.

"_Kiss. K-I-S-S. Acronym. Keep it simple, stupid."_

Stupid. That was the exact definition for her and the way she had been acting about her relationship with Chakotay. How could the computer hit so close to home? _Kiss off, kiss ass, keep it simple, stupid…_ So she'd been keeping her first officer firmly pinned down beneath protocol and his desire for her leaving him no choice but to bend to her whims. The thought made her wince but she had been manipulative of late. He partially shared blame though. Why did he let her walk all over him anyway? Maybe a part of her wanted him to challenge her like he used to in the old days. She fondly remembered his resolve to get her to reconsider B'Elanna for Chief Engineer. The rebel who refused to be her "token Maquis officer…" Where had that man gone?

"You forced him into hiding, Kathryn. He's become what you wanted him to be. Starfleet."

Ugh… But she didn't need another glimmering paragon of Starfleet excellence by her side. She acted the part of Starfleet officer more than enough for both of them! Why did she force him into her mold knowing very well that might destroy everything she loved about him?

Stupid. That's why. She'd been stupid. She'd been turning him into something he wasn't. Pretty soon, she'd end up hating him for the times when he did stand up to her.

"You'll get so used to having him bend to your will that you won't accept anything less," her mind scolded, "Is that what you want? A subservient first officer who can't do anything but kiss ass? Admit it. You miss him. Miss how he used to challenge you… Stop avoiding him, Kathryn. Stop turning him into something he's not. Stop pushing him away when he doesn't conform to your standards. It's not fair that you only turn to him when you need his help then push him away when things get too close for comfort. He's not just your subordinate, he's your friend. Maybe even your best friend… Maybe more than that."

No, he couldn't be more than that. Like it or not, she was still engaged and she could not cast Mark aside that easily. Then again, they were decades from home. Her fiancé might have moved on or died by the time she got back. Heck, she might not even live to see the day Voyager reached Earth! And Voyager was no excuse… Admittedly, she'd been toying with the idea of a generational ship for quite some time. Fraternization in the lower ranks was at an all-time high and it would be cruel to discourage their romances.

"Like you've been discouraging your own?" she couldn't help but think.

Alright, so her responsibility to the ship was not a plausible reason for her to continue denying herself a deeper personal relationship with Chakotay. She distinctly recalled when he'd asked her about fraternization policies when they'd been trapped in that disturbance full of space-dwelling life forms that tried to mate with the ship. Kes had prematurely entered elogium so she didn't exactly have time to reflect on it as much as she would have liked. When she finally did find the chance to think about it, she'd found out about Ensign Sam Wildman's pregnancy and worrying about that wasn't exactly conducive to deep rumination on a delicate issue. Still, that discourse with her first officer was one she often visited in her mind. And, even if she hated to admit it, she remembered it more for how he'd subtly flirted with her than for the underlying issue...

"_You seem a little preoccupied, Commander."_

"_This morning, I interrupted a couple who were kissing in the turbolift. And I've been wondering if we should establish a policy regarding fraternization."_

_She looked amused and smiled at him, "Well… The couple in question might be urged to show a bit more discretion but Starfleet has always been reluctant to regulate people's personal lives."_

"_Of course, but we're in a unique situation here. The development of intimate relationships might cause us problems that wouldn't arise on other ships."_

_He seemed to almost tense at those words, anticipating her response._

"_I understand what you're saying but we're a long way from home. Everyone is lonely and all we have is each other. I think eventually people will begin to pair off."_

_He looked at her meaningfully._

"_Including you?"_

_For a moment, she was caught off guard and her face betrayed her surprise. She responded as formally as she could. Best not to get his hopes up…_

"_As captain, that's a luxury I don't have. Besides, I intend for us to be home before… Before Mark gives me up for dead."_

_She tried to smile but couldn't exactly muster it and was thankful for Harry's interruption as the anomaly came into visual range._

"Well, you certainly shot him down, didn't you?" she cringed at the thought.

Who would take over the ship if it did take them seventy years to get home? She was certain she wouldn't live that long and neither would he. In fifty years, who would be taking their place? Even crewmen who were young now would definitely be old and frail by then. Sure, there was Naomi... But one child? A child who'd been raised on a starship without a father? Sure, they could train her in the Starfleet way but… Oh hell, she hadn't even considered what would happen to Naomi. If the time ever came that the crew died out, Naomi would be all alone. She would live out the rest of her days in the Delta Quadrant having had only adults for company and no one her own age to lean on. What a miserable existence for a child.

That was no excuse to jump at the chance to copulate with her first officer though. Who knew if others in the crew weren't planning on having children too? She wouldn't disapprove of any unions or marriages on board. They were going to be necessary… The realization only struck her now. Necessary. If she did pursue a relationship with Chakotay, she now had a valid reason to justify her actions to Starfleet.

But that wasn't enough… She needed to think. What if she sent him on a mission that killed him while they were in a romantic relationship? She wouldn't be able to cope. Her command performance might suffer and she would never get them home.

"You're not in a romantic relationship right now and you'd still be unable to cope if you sent him to his death. If anything, you'd be more prone to break down since he'll die not knowing how you feel," her mind pestered.

She finally made it to the turbolift, "Deck three."

It seemed she'd finally run out of reasons. Still, there was one more possibility that scared her. What if she laid out all the facts to him and gave him her heart only to be rejected? To find out that she'd misread him? That she'd seen more than there really was? The thought made her shudder. Maybe dinner wasn't such a good idea after all.

"No!" a voice inside her screamed, "You're a lot of things but you're definitely not a coward. Anything that's worth anything involves some sort of risk. In this case, his heart for yours. Just hear him out."

Fine. Tonight at dinner, she'd listen to him. Offer him her heart to cherish or destroy. Ask him how he felt about her. About both Kathryn and the Captain... No holds barred. Keep it simple, stupid.

She exited the turbolift and walked to her quarters to prepare for the second collision. A collision of hearts, minds, souls and, if she was lucky, lips once more...

**OOO**

As Chakotay walked back to his quarters with a basket full of vegetables from the hydroponics bay, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. Kes and Neelix had been more than eager to give him all the plant life he wanted once they found out who he was having dinner with.

"Commander," the elfin girl had said with a wry smile, "Maybe you should get her another rose. Like last time. That got you a holodate didn't it?"

He eyed the girl curiously, "How did-"

Neelix smiled, "Mr. Tuvok told us your location when you didn't show up to dinner at the mess hall that night. And we heard from quite a few crewmen how you two walked the corridor to the holodeck grinning from ear to ear and arm in arm. Oh... And speaking of corridor rumors..."

Uh oh... Here goes.

"Look, Neelix-"

Kes interrupted.

"So you finally kissed her," said the Ocampa knowingly, "Congratulations, Commander. We were so glad when we heard. And this dinner is to celebrate your relationship?"

He groaned, "I wouldn't exactly call it a kiss."

"That's not what I heard from Ensign Kaplan," said Neelix, "You were all over each other in the corridor. Kissing on the floor-"

"That's an exaggeration! Did Ensign Kaplan actually see me kissing the Captain?"

"No," said Kes, "She heard from Crewman Dalby who heard from Ensign Brooks who overheard Lieutenant Nicoletti and Crewman-"

"I get the point," sighed Chakotay, "So the whole ship knows?"

The Talaxian shrugged, "Pretty much."

He surpressed another groan, "So I suppose the betting pool Paris thinks the Captain and I know nothing about has been settled?"

"What betting pool?" asked Kes.

Chakotay shook his head, "Never mind, I'll be taking these vegetables now. I only have twenty minutes left to prepare dinner and the Captain is always on time."

"Wait," pleaded the girl as she retrieved something from a bush in the back. She returned and tucked a peach colored rose into his trouser pocket, "For luck."

He sighed. He would need it. Wait until Kathryn found out about these rumors. It sounded like the crew thought they'd been making out on the corridor floor. He could only hope she didn't know about all this talk yet. Spirits knew he wouldn't be able to confess his feelings to her and put her in her place if she had a cloud of embarrassment floating over her head.

**OOO**

Kathryn eyed herself in the bathroom mirror. She looked like a train wreck but her ponytail was still in place. Sighing, she straightened out her uniform and touched up her make-up.

"Good enough?"

Oh come on... It wasn't like she intended to play femme fatale and seduce him by dressing up. This was just a regular working dinner in which certain issues aside from work would be resolved. Nothing big... Besides, didn't he find her tantalizing as a woman in uniform?

_"Good work, Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I'll know where to go."_

She grinned at the memory. Even she'd been shocked at her own audacity. Such a sexually charged statement directed at her first officer for everyone on the bridge to hear. It had been her turn to catch him by surprise and she had succeeded. She kept a mental image of his shy smile burned into her brain. It was the least she could have done to make up for rejecting him so hastily and it definitely lightened everyone's moods after that crisis. Even in uniform, she could be a vixen if she wished.

"I guess it's about time I asked those questions," she said as she gave her reflection one last encouraging smile before turning to go next door for dinner.

**OOO**

Chakotay quickly recycled the frilly pink apron he'd had to wear while preparing the vegetables just as the door chimed. It was undoubtedly Tom's doing. He had once let slip to the helmsman that he cooked for the Captain during working dinners and was amazed that the younger man hadn't given him any grief about it. Now, he knew why. For some odd reason, the replicator refused to recognize the parameters he'd set for an apron and would only produce ultra feminine variations. Rather than waste rations, he'd groused as he chopped vegetables for salad and stew wearing the ridiculous garment hoping Kathryn wouldn't decide to "surprise" him by coming in using her override code.

"Come in," he said breathing a sigh of relief. What would she have done if she had seen a man of his size, stature and rank in a frilly pink apron? Probably laughed herself to kingdom come and embarrassed him to death. She came in with a gentle smile on her face.

"Good evening, Chakotay."

"Same to you, Kathryn."

They walked over to the table. He straightened out his uniform and pulled out a chair for her. The table was set and a small vase containing the single rose Kes had given him served as the center piece. She sat down and he took the seat opposite her. Let the KISSing begin.

* * *

Yes, it's in all caps on purpose. Acronym reference. (winks) So what should happen at dinner? Reviews and suggestions are more than welcome. I really don't want to get stuck. I'm going to finish this! For now, I have to prepare for a date with a math test. Yes, I have nothing better to do on Valentine's day then synthetically divide. Go figure. Oh! And I passed my second Chemistry test! I got a D! (dies) 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note:** Dinner time! And yes, I intend to prolong the descent into the inevitable. It's just no fun if they instantly jump into each other's arms, is it?

**Mulier Est Hominis Confusio**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 4 **

"So," she said coyly, "How was your shift?"

Chakotay was certain that if he'd asked the computer to define "man eater" at that moment, it would have responded with Kathryn's name.

"Nothing to report. Just your usual boring stretch of space. And you? Finished any reports?"

He said this as he took an expertly folded cloth napkin out of the crystal glass he'd set for himself. She eyed him as he unfurled the cloth to lie on his lap before mimicking his action.

She smiled slightly, "None actually. I've been doing some thinking. About defining things other than parameters..."

"Here we go," he couldn't help but think.

"Oh really," he said trying to appear nonchalant as he bit into a forkful of salad and swallowed slowly to give himself time to ruminate, "So I assume you've been thinking about our little accident in the hall. Water?"

"Been thinking about nothing but that actually... And, as for water, yes please."

Her eyes were smoldering. He averted his gaze as he poured her some ice water from the pitcher next to the centerpiece before proceeding to pour for himself rather shakily. She resumed eating as if she hadn't noticed his trepidation. She had though. They ate in silence for a good few minutes and the air was thick with unresolved tension. She sighed and downed her water greedily before pouring herself a second glass. What she would give for some liquor to uninhibit the two of them right now...

"Come on, Chakotay!" her inner voice screamed, "I'm flirting with you! Make a move, Maquis!"

He was playing with the last lettuce leaf of his salad and shifting it about his plate even as he felt her glare on him.

"Well, that was a lovely appetizer," she said, finally breaking the silence. She'd finished off her salad, dabbed her napkin to the corner of her mouth and challenged him to meet her gaze. He pierced the last shred of lettuce with his fork and slowly brought it to his mouth deciding to chew very slowly. Damn it... He hadn't counted on being this nervous. His resolve to speak had gone elsewhere and he had to find it before this little meal was over.

She brought her hand up to caress the rose Kes had given him for luck, "Lovely centerpiece," she remarked with a wry grin, "You know I kept the one you gave me before our holodate. I dried and pressed it onto some nice paper. The perfect bookmark when I'm reading Dante..."

He would have choked on his salad if it hadn't been chewed so finely. His rose in her treasured Mark's book? She was serious about this. He too dabbed at his mouth before standing up and laying the napkin on the table as he cleared the salad plates and went to ladle the stew into a couple of bowls.

"How about we keep the conversation light for now and get straight to the point over coffee and dessert?" he said as he served her the main course. He sat back down and used the action of returning the napkin to its previous position as an excuse to bow his head and avert her gaze.

"I'll need something to help me swallow the bitter pill of rejection," he mentally added, "She must be playing me... She couldn't possibly..."

She had arched an eyebrow at him as he had set the steaming bowls of stew on the table and was quite unsure of how to perceive him preferring to let his eyes linger on his own lap rather than on her. Was she affecting him in that way already? She almost laughed at her overconfidence.

"Sure," she remarked, "Don't hold anything back though because you know I won't."

"Duly noted," he smiled as he finally met her gaze once more, "Now I suggest we enjoy the rest of dinner before taking care of business."

She returned his smile with a mock salute, "Aye. Hopefully you didn't use up too many rations on this."

"Actually, I didn't use any rations. Kes and Neelix were kind enough to spare me some vegetables from hydroponics. The zucchini was flourishing and they were more than glad to give me a few. Lettuce has been doing well and so were the Talaxian tomatoes I used for the salad."

"Well, Kes's little endeavor has been well worth it," she sighed as she toyed with her stew, lazily stirring her spoon in it before taking the occasional bite, "Goodness, Commander... What can't you do? Cooking, tactics, hand to hand combat..."

She grinned at him and he seemed to choke a bit.

"Still can't start a campfire without having to use your hair," he finally replied and returned her grin. Only difference was that his smile was made even more devastating by his dimples. Two could play at this game.

"Is that so?" she pouted, "That's a pity. I was seriously considering cutting it. But since you find it so necessary for camping trips..."

He laughed, "Spoken by the woman who admitted to being a true child of the 24th century. Admittedly, you're not too good outdoors either."

"Never said I was," she bit back, "You, on the other hand, have quite a lot of confidence in your wilderness skills despite your troubles as a fire starter."

He grinned lopsidedly as he too toyed with his stew seemingly undecided as to whether he would raise another spoonful to his mouth or respond to her remark instantaneously. Choosing the latter, he replied, "Depends on what kind of fire you intend for me to start..."

She returned his grin. Finally... He was flirting back.

"And of what sort are these fires you're good at starting?" she said as she picked up the cloth napkin on her lap and slowly dabbed stew from the corner of her mouth.

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Well, you've certainly whetted my curiosity."

"And hopefully your appetite as well? Liking dinner so far?"

She pouted a tad, "Hm... I wouldn't be eating it if I didn't enjoy it but, honestly, I've had better."

"Really now? I suppose you didn't cook that particular 'better' meal? I guess dessert will have to exceed your expectations then."

"As much as I would like to say that I have some hidden culinary skill and did somehow best you in that department, your previous experience with my 'meals' speaks for itself. It was my mother's last birthday dinner for me that bested you. Your cooking comes in at a close second to hers though... And knowing you, dessert will exceed expectations."

She took another bite of stew and some dribbled down the side of her mouth. She quickly dabbed it away and smirked.

"Knowing my replicator actually. Didn't have the time to make dessert so hopefully my sacrifice of replicator rations will be enough to appease your sweet tooth. Flattered that you'd consider my cooking second only to your mother's. But really Captain... Knowing me? What exactly do you know about me?"

He punctuated that statement with yet another flash of dimples as he helped himself to another spoonful.

She shot his previous line right back at him, "The extent of my knowledge of you is for me to know and you to find out. But you know… I'm not opposed to having you educate me a bit more. So are you going to humor me?"

She said all this while making the grandiose gesture of pointing her spoon at him.

"Same applies to you," he replied before pausing to sip some water, "And I think not. From the way you talk, I think you know more than enough. At least at the moment."

She gave a mock look of disappointment, "And here I was thinking you'd be a gentleman and enlighten me." Her spoon was back swimming in the stew and she was absentmindedly stirring again.

He flashed her that wicked grin once more, "You know very well that I'm not a gentleman."

"Oh yes... How ever could I mistake you for that?" she laughed as she took another bite of her meal, "Come on, Commander, are you sure you can't give me some inkling as to how much you know about me? Can't tell me because you somehow violated my privacy?"

He guffawed, "Captain, I've seen you in a towel. I think that qualifies as violating your privacy and, seeing how I'm not afraid to admit it, you know very well that's not the reason I'm not telling you. Intent on wheedling again, Kathryn?"

He resisted the urge to clap his hand over his mouth. Where the hell had that inappropriate comment come from? Just as he was about to open his mouth to apologize she replied with a shrug as she took a swig of water.

"Well, it got me a bath tub last time, didn't it? And no, that does not qualify as violating my privacy... Now seeing under the towel..."

He did his best to keep his mouth from falling open. So she was going to cross the line with him? Might as well take it all the way...

"Who says I haven't?" he teased.

"Implying something?"

"Assuming something?"

She laughed, "Perhaps... But maybe you're not the only one who's violated someone else's privacy."

He snorted, "Doubt it."

"Really? That little confidence in your Captain's stealth?"

"Too much confidence in my Captain's sense of propriety."

"What propriety?"

"Parameters ring a bell?"

"Need I remind you that I told you I intended to use tonight to define things other than those?"

Their eyes met. Both gazes were burning with the spirit to challenge and win against each other in this game of verbal sparring.

"I remember perfectly," he said with a wry smile, "Just wanted to jog your memory a bit."

She rolled her eyes playfully and smiled, "Right..."

They'd been bantering smoothly for the better part of the hour, exchanging various verbal barbs in between spoonfuls of stew. By the time they'd finally finished their main course, both of them were more than eager for the final face-off.

"So coffee?" he asked as he cleared the bowls and made his way to the replicator.

She looked thoughtful for a second, "Definitely. And coffee cake..."

"You're going to eat and drink your coffee?" he laughed, "I didn't know your addiction was so far-reaching."

As he turned his back on her to order dessert from the replicator, she eyed his behind with a roving look, "You have no idea."

* * *

So there's chapter four... Any ideas for dessert? xD 


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note:** And finally, dessert… That's the end of that. Don't know when I'll write again but I swear I will. Been feeling a bit under the weather.

**Mulier Est Hominis Confusio**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 5 **

A half mug of espresso sat beside a barely touched cup of tea. A couple of saucers bearing slices of cake lay beside the beverages. One of the slices had been partially demolished into crumbs while the other sat remarkably whole with the fork still lying beside it. A hand bearing the other fork lazily approached the coffee table to claim another bite of cake. They were both comfortably seated on the couch and she'd been quite happy expressing her opinions on their little accident without reproach. He, on the other hand, had found his confidence escape him once more and hoped she'd never stop speaking. They had agreed that they would each voice their opinions to each other separately before going into a full-blown discussion.

"And so," she concluded, "That's how I perceive the situation. Like it or not, we must face the fact that our ship might be well on the way to becoming a generational one. With that in mind, a relationship between us wouldn't be seen as something Starfleet would disapprove of."

She scolded herself. She'd prattled on for a whole five minutes occassionally sipping coffee and consuming her cake in an effort to make herself seem relaxed and also to slow down the flow of her words. She'd presented him with every reason a relationship between them could work and also mentioned that their collision in the hall was what got her thinking. She'd neglected to say what was important though. Not a single word about how she'd felt about his kiss or how she might be in love with him.

He blinked. Well, it was his turn to talk now. Taking a breath, he began his own monologue

"Well that's looking at it from the point of view regarding the welfare of everyone around us. From what you've said, I can clearly see there's nothing standing in our way in terms of parameters. But really Kathryn... How do you feel about all this? You haven't said anything to even imply that you feel anything remotely like what I feel for you and yet we're discussing the possibility of a deeper relationship between us. Of running a generational ship... Of possibly participating in the creation of the generation that will follow our own. Before I delve any further, I just have to know one thing. How exactly do you feel about me?"

She put down her coffee mug and paused for a good few seconds. He looked hopefully at her and she desperately wanted to give him a straight answer. _Keep it simple, stupid._ All she had to say was she loved him. Three little words.

"You mentioned feeling for me as well. I'm not entirely sure what the depth of your feelings for me are and that's why I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to imply anything as of yet. What if I care for you more than you care for me?"

"Damn!" she heard her mind scream, "Just have to try to keep dodging the issue, don't you? What is this, Kathryn? A reflex?"

There was a flash of pain in her eyes. He could see that she was finding it difficult to tell him how she truly felt and was doing her best to draw out the conversation.

"So you do care for me?" he asked.

"Of course, I do. More than a captain should. And you?"

"More than a first officer should."

"So it'd be fair to assume we care about each other equally. More than we should."

"More than the command structure would have us believe we should. Too little for me. I more than care for you, Kathryn. Is that enough for you to at least gauge the depth of what I feel for you?"

She was struck dumb. Alright, so he was hinting that if she did love him, he shared her feelings. Was she interpreting him correctly?

"So what exactly are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say exactly what you're trying to say."

He was smiling. So he was enjoying her discomfort? Inwardly, she scowled. He wasn't going to be the first to confess, was he? He wanted her to admit her love for him first.

"Which is? If you say what you're trying to say is exactly what I'm trying to say then you must know. So say it."

"Ladies first."

"Oh no, Commander. You know very well that I'm not a lady."

She grinned. Well, this was turning into a fun little game.

"Really? Could have fooled me."

He grinned back.

"So?" she prodded.

"What?"

"Say it."

"Wheedling won't help you now."

"Age before beauty, Commander."

He snorted, "Yes, insulting me is the best way to get me to confess."

"Confess? So you consider what you feel for me a crime of sorts?"

"Depends on what you perceive to be a crime. Maybe a crime of passion? Of wanting something forbidden?"

She pouted, "I thought I made it clear in my little dissertation that it's no longer forbidden."

"And what exactly is it that's no longer forbidden?"

"A deeper relationship between us."

"And?"

"You really want to hear me say it, don't you?"

"Say what? I do want to hear you say something but I can't verify if we're thinking of the same thing until the words leave your mouth."

She sighed and shook her head, "You know this isn't easy for me."

"I know... Why do you think I went along with you trying to lead me around in circles."

She playfully swatted his arm, "You used that against me, Mister Chakotay. I ended up being led in my own circles."

"Mister Chakotay now, is it? Is that how you address someone you've just considered having a deeper relationship with?"

"Oh, I've more than considered it..."

Her tone had taken on a sultry edge now, "If you only knew what I've considered with you concerning a _deeper _relationship..."

"Then tell me."

She finally breathed a sigh of defeat.

"I'd hate to be anti-climactic," she remarked.

"Who says we've reached the climax?" he said suggestively prompting her to swat his arm once more.

"I love you," she finally breathed, "You see... Three little words. It just seems too simple to me. There has to be more to it. After all the difficulties we've been through. It just seems too easy... Like it's not enough. "

"You're complicating things. I love you too. There's something to be said for being that simple... You know, I went and did some complicating of my own after our little accident. Can you believe I had the computer define a kiss for me eighteen times?"

He held out his hand to her and she took it and interlaced her fingers with his in the same way they had back on that planet, "Actually, I can believe that. I did the same thing."

She then sighed and shook her head, "Keep it simple, stupid. I should have heeded that advice from the start."

"Advice?"

She laughed, "Oh, I don't know... Somehow, I thought the ship was giving me advice."

She edged closer to him keeping her hand in his before resting her head on his shoulder, "I'm just glad you know now... If I lost you and you never found out..."

He brought up his free hand slowly to caress her cheek, "I somehow knew, Kathryn. I wasn't sure but I knew. I just needed to hear it."

She nodded, "I knew too. You already did tell me without having to say those three little words. Wish I'd been that clever."

"There's something to be said for being straight to the point," he said smilingly, "So can I offically kiss you? The definitions didn't really offer anything that applied to our little accident."

It was her turn to make use of her free hand to yet again swat at his arm.

"Ow... How many times are you going to do that?"

"Can't be entirely sure. As for your question, maybe."

"What happened to being straight to the point?"

"Sometimes you have to go and grab what you want. No questions asked. Dessert?"

He took that as his cue and kissed her until they were both blue in the face. In that second collision, he became sure that Kathryn had ruined him for any other woman and there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

I don't do smut but anyone who'd like to do a smut version of an epilogue would be more than welcome. Ugh... I was trying to avoid going down the road of predictable sap. (bangs head) Hopefully, you guys are happy with how this turned out. It's been a fun little distraction for me and this is my favorite out of everything I've written so far. Hope to write again soon... 


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